last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My ass is underappreciated
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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