he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
