Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
