Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i came on her dog
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
