The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize