it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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