jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
