obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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