Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
