the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
