Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
