I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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