He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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