It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
