i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
