I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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