She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
