There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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