If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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