remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
