someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
