I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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