your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
