Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize