There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
