i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
