he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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