We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize