I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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