is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
