Non-Jews are for practice
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
