dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I believe in your delicious
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
