is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
