I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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