is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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