I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
