He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
