i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
