i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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