dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
