Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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