Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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