I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
