we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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