some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
