He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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