She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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