she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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