He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
