Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize