Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
