but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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