Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
