you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
