Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize