I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
