you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
