i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
