Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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