I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
