There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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