so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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