I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
