Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
